I know because I did it for ten years. Here's what that sh*t-show looked like.
Eating = anxiety.
Eating with my friends and family, or anyone, made me hella anxious. I felt like everyone was listening to me order and watching me eat and judging me and my body and my food.
I was ashamed of my body.
No matter what I wore, I hated my body and I was ashamed of it, because I thought my body, with its bulges and curves and lumps and acne and scars, was disgusting and unacceptable.
I couldn’t leave the house (or sometimes the bathroom).
Binge-eating wreaked havoc on my digestive system, and I beat myself up for it. I blamed myself every time I had indigestion or worse. I thought it was all my fault.
Morning routine? Weigh in and re-calculate.
I calculated how much weight I’d need to lose every day to reach my goal weight. I even kept an excel spreadsheet with dates and weights and calculations and estimations. I'd weigh in every morning and update my chart. It felt awesome when I lost weight, but when I gained, I lost my mind.
The only thing that mattered was getting my food "right."
I thought that if I could just get skinny, if I could just lose some weight, I’d finally be happy, I’d finally have the perfect partner, the perfect career, and the perfect life. Getting skinny was step 1 in my perfect-life plan.
I tried everything.
I tried everything in hopes of getting my binge-eating under control: Counting calories. No desserts. Vegan. Clean eating. Program dieting. The only-eat-if-you’re-hungry-and-stop-when-you’re-full diet. The eat-vegetables-at-every-meal diet. The husband-please-police-my-food diet. But no matter what I tried, no matter what diet I planned, no matter how clean I ate, and no matter how bad I wanted it, I just couldn’t control myself around food.
I couldn’t understand "normal eaters."
How could other people be so normal around food? Why weren’t they obsessed? Was I the only one who binge-ate every night? Was I the only one who, no matter how hard I tried, inevitably ended up face-first in whatever sweet, carby, or snacky thing I could get my hands on? Was I the only one who then had to peel my disgusting self off the floor to try again tomorrow?
I couldn't stop binge-eating.
What the hell was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I stop? For ten years, I hated myself, I hated my body, and no matter how hard I tried to control it, I couldn’t stop binge-eating.
You can stop binge-eating.
I know you can. Because I did it.
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I talk a lot more about this in my free video training series, Stop Binge-Eating. If you want to stop binge eating, my free video training series is the place to start. Sign up below for instant access to this free video training series and learn to stop binge-eating for good.