Binge-eating sucks. I know because I did it for ten years. Here’s what that sh*tshow looked like:
Anxious. Eating with my friends and family, or anyone, made me hella anxious. I felt like everyone was listening to me order and watching me eat and judging me and my body and my food.
Ashamed. No matter what I wore, I hated my body and I was ashamed of it, because I thought my body, with its bulges and curves and lumps and acne and scars, was disgusting and unacceptable.
Sick. I couldn’t leave the house (or sometimes the bathroom). Binge-eating wreaked havoc on my digestive system, and I beat myself up for it. I blamed myself every time I had indigestion or worse. I thought it was all my fault.
Preoccupied. Morning routine? Weigh in and re-calculate. I calculated how much weight I’d need to lose every day to reach my goal weight. I even kept an excel spreadsheet with dates and weights and calculations and estimations. I'd weigh in every morning and update my chart. It felt awesome when I lost weight, but when I gained, I lost my mind.
Obsessed. The only thing that mattered was getting my food "right." I thought that if I could just get skinny, if I could just lose some weight, I’d finally be happy, I’d finally have the perfect partner, the perfect career, and the perfect life. Getting skinny was step 1 in my perfect-life plan.
Hopeless. I tried everything. I tried everything in hopes of getting my binge-eating under control: Counting calories. No desserts. Vegan. Clean eating. Program dieting. The only-eat-if-you’re-hungry-and-stop-when-you’re-full diet. The eat-vegetables-at-every-meal diet. The husband-please-police-my-food diet. But no matter what I tried, no matter what diet I planned, no matter how clean I ate, and no matter how bad I wanted it, I just couldn’t control myself around food.
Confused. How could other people be so normal around food? Why weren’t they obsessed? Was I the only one who binge-ate every night? Was I the only one who, no matter how hard I tried, inevitably ended up face-first in whatever sweet, carby, or snacky thing I could get my hands on? Was I the only one who then had to peel my disgusting self off the floor to try again tomorrow?
Out of control. I couldn't stop binge-eating. What the hell was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I stop? For ten years, I hated myself, I hated my body, and no matter how hard I tried to control it, I couldn’t stop binge-eating.
I stopped binge-eating.
And everything changed.
Here’s how I did it
When I began to pay attention to my body, honor its wisdom, and think of myself as a worthy human being, not a monster, everything changed. I got some perspective on why I binged so much and how my feelings about myself play into the greater social and political conversations around women and fatness.
I stopped hating my body.
I stopped hating myself.
And I stopped binge-eating.
Once I started thinking differently about my body, myself, and the way I ate, I actually started to feel normal around food. I stopped going crazy every time I ate something “off-diet” or “processed” or “fattening” or “bad.” Feeling emotional or having a shitty day stopped sending me into an hours- or days-long binge-eating tailspin. I stopped covering up my body and wore whatever the hell I wanted. I stopped dreading that no one would ever love me. I actually started liking my body. And I stopped binge-eating.
You can stop binge-eating.
I know you can. Because I did it.
Your next step
I talk a lot more about how to stop binge-eating in my free video training series, How to Stop Binge-Eating. If you want to stop binge eating, my free video training series is the place to start. Sign up below for instant access to this free video training series and learn to stop binge-eating for good.